


Exile

by Wreckmyplanss



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romantic Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:08:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28919586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wreckmyplanss/pseuds/Wreckmyplanss
Summary: When Dina asked her why she’d come back, Ellie was almost certain that she was going to break in half, like a porcelain doll. Still, she would do it all over again as long as it meant knowing that Dina had been safe this whole time.Ellie returns home to an empty house and no one is around, until someone shows up that knocks the wind out of her. Is the hurt too deep, or does love prevail?
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	Exile

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place right after the events of the end of the game. The ending that Ellie & Dina deserved.
> 
> I haven't played the end in a while so apologies if it's a little bit wonky, but I hope you enjoy regardless!

This home felt so familiar and so not familiar at the same time. It was as though Ellie had walked back in time, faced with nothing but her past demons of the things she had lost due to her own choices. As the brunette walked through the house, she felt a breeze coming in through the window and it made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. 

Something about this place felt so terribly empty, and she knew it wasn’t because of the lack of furniture.

There were no supplies here, nothing she could take with her on a journey elsewhere. Rather, Ellie picked up the last of the things she found in the house, including a shirt of hers that she promptly changed into, tossing her dirty shirt aside. She craved a bath, craved to sit down somewhere comfortable and lay her head on a pillow that she didn’t have to make out of her own bag. 

The silence of the house was something she wasn’t quite used to; even wandering her way home, she had been surrounded by an unwelcoming world that didn’t hesitate to make it known that Ellie was in danger wherever she turned. Her bones ached, as though she hadn’t slept in a million years, and her fingers curled repeatedly, a habit she’d picked up since she’d lost them in the fight. A desperation for something normal.

Her attempts at getting rid of the nightmares that had plagued her had only made them a million times worse. Ellie felt as though she was a million years old, her shoulders weighed down by things she would never shake. After all of that, she hadn’t successfully gotten rid of the guilt she felt over Joel, she hadn’t got rid of the nightmares - but she had lost her family, the only ones who had kept her afloat for so long. 

She moved over to sit on the floor of the living room, looking out the back window as she curled her knees up to her chest. Laying her bag on the ground, Ellie ran a hand through her hair and closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure when the crying started, but it was so slow, so natural, that she didn’t even notice she was doing it until her face was soaked with tears and her breathing was coming out in gasps. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d cried, really cried.

She knew it was foolish to imagine that Dina was there waiting for her. To even want her to be there was selfish when she had been the one to walk out the door. That didn’t shake the fact that knowing she was with JJ, safe somewhere at home, was what kept Ellie going for so long.

Joel had been like a father to her, the closest thing to family she’d ever known. He had protected her, loved her, and kept her free from a world of pain to the best of his ability. She desperately wished that she was half the person Joel had been, but she knew that she would never be. He would’ve never left her the way that Ellie left her family.

Some time passed, and Ellie’s tears subsided into silence as she laid her chin on her knees. She debated turning around and running away, but she knew that she needed a place to sleep, needed somewhere to sit. She wondered if they would even let her back inside the town, or if they would turn her away. It was an irrational thought, but it was real.

She must’ve sat there for too long, for when she opened her eyes again, the sunlight was coming through the window as though it was early morning, and she was slumped over on her side. Head spinning, she slowly sat up, reaching for her bag once more, realizing she had been holding it in her sleep. Letting go of it, she glanced around the house once more before moving to stand up, knowing that being here was doing nothing to benefit herself.

Sure, she had learned a lot of survival skills on the road, even more than she had before, like how to detect even the slightest sound from the floor that warned her an enemy was coming. However, probably due to the lack of sleep, Ellie was off her game and didn’t notice someone walk in until their footsteps hit the landing of the open door.

“Ellie?”

The brunette froze completely, recognizing that voice as though she had heard it just yesterday. Looking at the door, she felt the nauseousness come to a rise as she took in Dina’s face.

She looked just how she did when Ellie left her, except a little older, a little more calm. She was wearing a jacket and a plain shirt underneath, with slightly messy jeans and boots on her feet. Her outfit was the last thing Ellie noticed about her; her hair was pulled into a bun and she was wearing a beanie. Her eyes were as beautiful as ever, but painfully dim at the sight of Ellie, as though she came with a million years of baggage that Dina couldn’t handle. Which wasn’t far off from the truth.

Ellie finally fumbled to her feet, leaving the bag on the ground. Dina was holding a bag of her own which had made its journey to the ground in the several seconds that silence filled the air between them. She watched as Dina looked her over, inspecting the dirtiness of her clothes other than the clean shirt, and watched as her eyebrow twitched when she saw Ellie’s hand. As if on instinct, her fingers did that usual curl that they did when she remembered that half of them were missing, and Ellie finally found it in herself to speak.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, surprised that her voice was so soft compared to how bold she usually spoke. “I was just --” She paused. Leaving? That felt wrong to say. Checking the house out? Sleeping? Nothing felt like the right thing to say, so she simply looked down, shifting the weight of her feet, her hand still relentlessly twitching. “Sorry.”

She half expected Dina to start screaming, to push her out the door and demand she never come back. But instead, the other woman moved forward, slowly but surely, until she was only a foot or so in front of Ellie. She finally forced herself to look up and meet the eyes of the shorter woman. 

More silence. It was so loud, and Ellie could hear the rushing of her own ears. Before she could break the silence, she felt two hands on her cheeks, and the contact was almost enough to make the dam holding her emotions back break in half. In a flash, she was back in this house, feeling Dina touch her face before she begged her not to go. She had betrayed her then, and she didn’t expect forgiveness. Yet, here Dina was, copying the movement, her hands as gentle as could be. Ellie came back to earth and had to swallow the lump in her throat at the contact, but she didn’t dare move her hands, didn’t dare fuck this up any more than she already had.

“You’re alive,” Dina finally said, her voice like a whisper in an otherwise loud world. Ellie moved her mouth to say something, to maybe apologize, to tell her she didn’t deserve her hug, but Dina didn’t listen to her unspoken words as she pulled her in to hug her.

For a moment, Ellie thought she might collapse. She felt as though she hadn’t been touched in twenty years, especially not by someone who was trying to be gentle. She remembered the way Abby had beat her near those ships, remembered how much it stung and how the pain had become numb to her. It was nothing compared to the gentle touch of another, to the way that Dina wrapped her arms around Ellie’s neck, gently pushing her head down with her hand as though to silently encourage Ellie to hug her back.

Choking back the tears was difficult now, and Ellie didn’t even bother to try. Whatever resentment there was between them, whatever anger, it was overshadowed by the joy that the other was alive. They had both lost too much already.

Dina pulled away just as Ellie was finally working up the courage to wrap her arms around her, and they hung limply and pathetically at her sides as they took a step back.

“Oh my god, Ellie,” the other said as she lifted Ellie’s injured hand, inspecting the missing fingers. She didn’t bother to ask, knowing Ellie would tell her eventually. Rather, she lifted the hand to her lips and pressed a light kiss to her knuckles as she lowered their hands. “You look terrible. Did you sleep here?”

Ellie nodded, exploring Dina’s face for any sign of anger or resentment in her features. She didn’t bother to even try to kiss her, knowing that the action would not be met well. Dina said she wouldn’t wait for her, she could’ve long moved on. She had always known that Dina could have anyone if she wanted, but she’d chosen her for some fucked up reason. Ellie had always been so grateful for it, and yet she’d thrown it away.

“I couldn’t do it.” The words come out before Ellie could stop them, making Dina look up at her again, trying to understand. “I let her go.”

She lets it process, and sees Dina slowly nod. Ellie didn’t want her to think that she was a monster above all else, and she knew that Joel wouldn’t have wanted her to kill Abby. The whole journey had been a mistake in a million different ways.

Dina pulled away completely and Ellie felt cold, truly cold for the first time in ages. She could’ve spent a week in a mountainside and it still wouldn’t have felt as cold as the loss of Dina’s touch. She swallowed, examining the other woman for any sign of hatred that she expected Dina to feel towards her. She wouldn’t blame her at all, she felt the same way.

“I was here to pick up the rest of my stuff,” she said finally, her hands fiddling with the front of her shirt as she picked up the bag on the floor. “Some of JJ’s things, we couldn’t drag it all when we moved…” 

It felt as though Dina was talking to herself, so Ellie kept quiet, not wanting to answer. She watched as the other woman dragged the bag around, searching through cabinets before she disappeared for a moment only to return with the bag a tiny bit more full than it had been before. Ellie knew there was an elephant in the room but she wasn’t willing to bring it up.

“I think I -- fuck,” Dina muttered out, a hint of desperation in her voice. She turned around on her heel, facing Ellie. “What else did you take?” She accused. “Just the shirt?”

“Just the shirt,” Ellie answered quietly.

“I can’t find what I’m looking for.”

Taking a cautious step forward, Ellie braved her fear. “Do you want me to he --”

“No!” Dina interrupted her, loudly with the desperation dancing on her tongue again. “No, you’ve done enough.”

There it was. Ellie’s head dipped and she nodded. “Yeah, okay,” she said softly as she took a step back, finding her breathing was constricted by the weight in her chest. She felt as though her heart was being crushed in a million pieces; maybe it had been better if they had just not crossed paths again.

“You know what, Ellie?” Dina said, breaking her thoughts as she approached the taller woman. “I am still so fucking mad at you. You LEFT us. Not just me, but you left JJ like you didn’t even care about us! And you ran off, only to come back missing your fucking fingers, looking like hell and -- you didn’t even --”

She stopped herself, trying to compose her breathing. Ellie had no tears left, but she felt as though she couldn’t breathe anymore. “You shouldn’t have come back.”

Truthfully, that would sting more if Ellie hadn’t thought the same thing herself a million times on her way here. “I know,” she whispered in response, afraid to speak any louder in fear that her voice would crack. She felt as though a rug was being pulled out from under her, and she could only do so much to keep herself upright without getting dizzy. “I’m sorry,” she added, her voice somehow even quieter, taking a cautious step back. Her broken hand reached down and grabbed her bag, desperate to give Dina the space that she craved.

As she turned to walk out the door, she heard Dina speak from behind her, causing her to stop in her tracks. “Ellie! Wait!”

She turned around, slowly but surely, pained to see the woman she loved standing in the middle of the empty floor, tears breaking free to run down her cheeks as she tried to keep her emotions in check. Dina looked like she wanted to say something else, but whatever she wanted to say kept dancing away from her. 

“Why did you come back?”

The question pierced Ellie’s ears, demanding an answer that she didn’t know herself. She was silent at first, the bag hanging off her good fingers and making them sting a little bit. Her throat was challenged, but when she answered, she decided to speak up so Dina could hear her. She was brought back to the last fight they’d had here, and how it had ended their relationship and left her all alone once more. It was like she had been eight again, with no one in her life to comfort her. For so long, it had been Joel, but once he had died Dina had been that for her. Not only did she let that slip away, but she had pushed it out the door.

Ellie licked her lips as she carefully formed her answer. “‘Cause…” She started, finding that she was in the same boat with her words running away from her. 

Dina didn’t let her think any further. “You leave me and you leave our son on a revenge mission that I begged you not to go on, and you just…. You just come back? Like nothing happened?” Dina was stepping closer, her voice rising. “Why would you do that to me?!”

She knew what was implied behind that. They were doing fine, and Ellie returning had been a burden to them. She’d never been good at putting her feelings into words, but she knew she had to try, just this once. “I had to see you.”

“Why?!” Dina’s voice was above normal now, almost shouting. “Why, Ellie??”

“Because --” She saw Dina moving to interrupt her, she was borderlining hysterical, and Ellie interrupted her before she could. “Because I have nothing else!”

Dina didn’t know what that meant, and it was clear in her eyes. “What the fuck are you talking about? You left us, Ellie. You don’t have us because YOU left. You chose to walk out that door and then you have the balls to come back and say you have no one else? That was YOUR choice!”

Ellie’s eyes shut furiously, suddenly terrified of saying anything else to anger Dina. She could hear her still going on, but the words were drowning out, overwhelmed only with her own emotions. When she opened her eyes again, Dina’s tears had broken free.

“They were captured.” It was one word, barely whispered, but enough to capture the other woman’s attention, and she went quiet. “Abby and the person she was traveling with. I broke her out, and I forced her to fight me. I was going to let her free, but -- I just kept seeing -- images of Joel and the blood and the screaming and --” She paused, swallowing. “I had to fight her. And I did, Dina, and I almost won. She was bleeding and she could barely stand. And when I went to finish her off, I just -- I just couldn’t do it.”

Dina wanted to say something, it was clear in her eyes, but she kept silent, just listening.

“I had been alone up until that point, but after I set her free and I sat down in the water, I realized -- I realized I was really alone then. I had nowhere to go, I had nothing left to do. I just sat there for so long, thinking, crying, trying to figure out where I was going to go. I felt like I was stuck, like I’d just killed the monster inside of me but he was still speaking to me.”

Ellie realized she had been fiddling with her broken hand, and she looked down at them, an excuse to look away from Dina’s piercing eyes. “I thought killing her would fix me. I thought it would be an eye for an eye, I thought it would help. But it didn’t. It didn’t bring him back, and it didn’t bring me back home.” She looked up now, forcing herself to look in Dina’s eyes. The pain and anger there was so clear, but she swallowed her fear and continued. “I went all that way in search of healing, in search of something to help me. But when I did that, I left behind the one thing that was already doing that.”

She hadn’t wanted to hurt JJ with all of her flashbacks and her PTSD, but she didn’t express that. She wanted to be a parent as good as Joel had been, and she had failed, over and over. “I didn’t come here for forgiveness, Dina. I just… I needed to see you. Because if I left and you got hurt because of me, I -- no amount of revenge missions would fix that.” Nothing in the world would.

Once her speech was over, Dina searched her face for any sign of a lie. All she saw was the pain and sorrow she felt reflected back in her face. As Ellie’s eyes dropped, she realized that her anger, while not misplaced, had faded and was replaced by something different.

“Ellie…” She whispered softly, her voice such a quiet and gentle change from her tone a moment ago that it made Ellie glance back at her in surprise, and maybe a little bit of fear. “I’m still mad at you, for the record,” she started, with a small and humourless chuckle. Before she said anything else, she put her hands back at Ellie’s cheeks, making sure she had all of her attention. “You shouldn’t have left.”

“I know,” Ellie answered, a realization that had taken her far too long to reach. Slowly, cautiously, she raised a hand to meet Dina’s, holding her against her cheek, taking in her familiar scent and soft but calloused hand. Ellie’s damaged fingers barely met Dina’s, and both of them felt a lump in their throats again at the contact. Still, she held on tight, waiting for Dina to speak again. She knew it was a toss up, but she was fully expecting Dina to tell her to leave and never come back. She wouldn’t blame her.

She didn’t. Instead, Dina leaned up slightly, a movement so subtle that Ellie might’ve missed it if her eyes had been closed. They remained open, staring a hole right into the smaller woman. She waited patiently for Dina to say something else, but she didn’t. She maintained the silence between them as she leaned up further, letting her breath tangle with Ellie’s.

Fuck. She couldn’t remember the last time someone was this close, the last time she felt anything this real. Ellie felt tears prickling in her eyes but she tried her best to blink them away. Instead, her focus was entirely on Dina, her own breath coming out in small spurts as she tried to control herself, not wanting to push her away.

Dina didn’t push away. Instead, she sucked in a breath, not giving Ellie a moment to realize what was happening before she gently brushed their lips together. Ellie felt like she just might explode, but she kept as quiet as she could, not wanting to fuck this up. The kiss had no desperation in it; it was slow, sweet, careful. Ellie had forgotten the taste of her lips after so long and tried her best to memorize it, even taking into account the smell of her hair, the gentle circles that her thumb was tracing on her cheek, every little thing about it.

They pulled apart for air for only a brief moment and Ellie was back in the basement of that building that fateful night, curled up next to Dina, carefree as ever as she kissed Dina in every spot she possibly could. Attempting to savour the moment, she leaned in again and kissed her a little harder again, feeling Dina hesitate for a second before kissing her back, moving her hands to wrap around Ellie’s neck and touch her hair, which had changed since she’d last seen her.

Ellie felt as though she might explode. In that basement, she had been overwhelmed by love and adoration, but she hadn’t realized how that would feel after being so long alone and so long broken. It felt like her every bone was trembling, her every sense was on fire. When they finally pulled apart enough to meet eyes, Ellie realized she had failed at keeping those tears at bay, for they were running down her cheeks now. She was surprised to see Dina was crying, too.

“If you leave again, I’ll kill you,” she simply said, her voice quiet but still challenging. Ellie nodded, trying not to come off as too eager but most likely failing.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she answered, reaching her hand up to brush hair out of Dina’s face. She hoped she could prove it over time, hoped that she was able to ensure Dina that she was determined to stay this time. That she had changed, even if she had gone through hell to get there. Dina nodded as though she was satisfied with the answer and then let go of Ellie entirely, instead moving to hold her hand. She squeezed gently.

“In that case, let’s go home.”


End file.
